Thoughts on home: Is it one place, or maybe there’s more than one place where you feel at home. And what makes it home anyway, what does that feel like?
As someone who has migrated slowly north from Sussex via London, Liverpool, Teesside, County Durham and now Northumberland, this piece resonated with me deeply, Harriet. Trauma has played a big part in my life, running away from places that trigger, moving to places where accents that don't fit, and the 'are you local?' questions can be tough. Do we ever feel at home? I'm not sure.
Thanks so much for reading Sue, and for your thoughts too. I remember you sharing some of your story with me in Alnwick. The accent thing is interesting, my eldest developed a broad Yorkshire accent within days of starting secondary school here as a way to fit in. He was 14 and went into Y10 mid way through the autumn term - a tough ask. The other two children have broadly kept their southern accents and managed ok. I think the balance between feeling at home and not feeling at home is swinging to 'at home' at the moment which is lovely, but the feeling of being an outside is rarely far away.
This piece really resonated, Harriet, and the thread of comments is fascinating. Whilst writing my own memoir, I have been reflecting a lot about how the seasons and homes in my life overlap and interrelate. My own journey has taken me (so far) - and similar to you - from Bristol to North Yorkshire, with 19 homes in between, and eclectic mix of house types, neighbourhoods and landscapes; alongside a messy collection of life events and traumatic experience. I have been reflecting on the connections between place, people and memory; and crucially on how to retain and grow the thread of self identity (and in my case the thread of God’s grace) through imposed change.
Or maybe I’m just feeling nostalgic and discombobulated as I approach a a pivotal birthday of 60, and wondering how in earth I arrived at my current messy home situation.
PS I am sorry to hear of your cancer journey and hope things are improving.
Oh Helen, thanks so much for your comment and huge apologies for not replying sooner. So interesting that your path has followed a similar south west to north trajectory. I often walk around wondering how the heck I ended up in this place. I love it and there are strong family connections to it, but it was never remotely part of the plan to end up in Yorkshire, or even the south coast. I thought I was meant to be in the south west, but life often has a very different path in mind. I have my annual mammogram tomorrow and so far it's always been clear, so fingers crossed it stays like that for a long time to come.
Dar Harriet, your writing resonated strongly with the place I am now in my life, barely a month after I sold the flat I grew up in Athens (I wrote about it a few times, but most recently here https://somelittlelanguage.substack.com/p/vignettes-from-athens). The small island of Kasos in the south of Greece, where my parents were born, feels in my heart like the deepest 'home' even though I have never lived (only spent childhood summers) there. I left the home in Athens for London 36 years ago, and ever since I have also lived in Tehran, Iran for a total of 14 years, but I always feel that home is in London. For us writers, the real home can be found in the writing, since the body can be in one place and the mind roams free elsewhere. For children especially, I tend to think that family support and affection and understanding can make up - to an extent - for physical moves. I certainly didn't get it right with my children. Thank you for writing this, Harriet, and look forward to reading more.
Dear Sofia, thanks so much for your reply. I'm so interested in the idea that somewhere can feel like home even though you've never lived there. That was what was going through my mind the other weekend when we were in Northumberland, a place I've been visiting on and off for a long time. I also love the idea that as writers the body can be in one place and the mind roams. That definitely feels like where I've got to. Thank you so much and I'll read your Vignettes from Athens. Take care, Harriet
I’ve had many houses but only 2 homes. Thank you for your perspective. I will give my old houses a new consideration as to how I might change their position in my memoir.
Ah, thanks so much for reading Wendy. I'm wondering myself how this writing about home will come through in the memoir writing. The idea of home has always been there lurking in the background but this is the first time I've written about it explicitly. I'm going to sit on it for a while now and see what emerges.
Oo, this resonates. I am in my 30th house now. Lived near Bath and now in Riddlesden near you. Place is important I think, but I don’t think I’ve ever been ‘home’. Got close once. I hate being asked where I’m from, I normally ask what age they want to now about. And my accent is all over the place and I often am asked if I’m South African or Australian, I sound nothing like either.
I'm intrigued by the accent, really interesting how people hear those places in your voice. Thirty houses is a lot, but you know, we won't be in this house for ever I just want our next move to be a positive decision that we've made because it's right for us, rather than a 'oh hell, we need to move.' Have a bit of control over it (I'm laughing inwardly as I write this, I mean control and home and moving - what are the chances!) I like the idea of giving an answer depending on which life stage someone wants to know about - think I might borrow that!
lol at control, because I’ve had so little of it in my life, moved lots as a kid, no control; then hubby in the forces, no control; and then moves for reasons beyond my control again. This house won’t be my last.
This is lovely, Harriet. I marvel at the people who can move from place to place, not needing roots or maybe better said, making wherever they are home easily. From the time I left my parent's home, my home has taken on significant importance, I believe because my childhood home was not comfortable emotionally. I have moved a number of times, and it always takes time to settle in, find a comfort, let my spirit settle into the walls. But once I am able to do that, there's no place I'd rather be than home. 💚
Thanks so much Sue. I used to think I was good at moving because I'd done it so many times. Maybe I was but I think my internal landscape has struggled to keep up with the physical moves! I love that idea of letting your spirit settle into the walls, beautifully put. My childhood home went from being a safe, secure, idyllic even place to one of instability (my father was an alcoholic altho he was sober for 30 years before his death) and we were a whisker away from homelessness at one point. That stayed with me, and I vowed never to uproot any children I had - so that didn't quite go to plan. Lots to delve into here and I really appreciate you reading my words and for sharing your thoughts.
Home is such a rich topic, one we could spend a great deal of time writing about, as well as all those plans that went a different way than we planned, ha! 💚
Hi Harriet. I really enjoyed reading this. I left my childhood home some 30 years ago and have never really felt at home since. Sometimes I get glimmers of it, in the place where me and my family live now but then somehow it slips away again. I have lived in the same village now for around 20 years ! I often think about the best place to move to to make me feel at home again but I suspect the problem, in my case, is in my head and not where I physically live. I look forward to reading more.
Thanks so much Rich, it's such an interesting subject. I've been wanting to write about home for years, ever since I started blurting words onto the page but I've found it difficult to find a way in. It's interesting that despite living somewhere for two decades, you still don't entirely feel at home (if I'm reading right). This does all lend itself to the disconnect between what we're feeling and thinking and our surroundings, I hadn't really thought of it in that way until I started writing this piece.
Probably getting a bit deep for this thread but..I suspect part of it, for me, is to do with self acceptance. Accepting that wherever I live, I will be there too !
Okay, that sounds a bit bonkers...turn off the lap top 🤣.
As we have touched on recently, I'm so curious about that idea of feeling 'at home' you write about here, Harriet. I don't feel at all 'at home' when I visit my childhood home now, and yet I feel utterly at home visiting my in-laws who have only been in their current house for 18 months. I know what's going on there, but still it's interesting to me to consider the distinction between spaces that have been made homely and others that are not set up to receive you, for all kinds of reasons.
I think I'm sitting here now wondering where this 'at home' thread is going to take me next, that's where these lovely comments come in. It's so interesting seeing what others pick out from the writing and their insights. Lots to noodle and potentially to write about too. Thanks for your support!
As someone who has migrated slowly north from Sussex via London, Liverpool, Teesside, County Durham and now Northumberland, this piece resonated with me deeply, Harriet. Trauma has played a big part in my life, running away from places that trigger, moving to places where accents that don't fit, and the 'are you local?' questions can be tough. Do we ever feel at home? I'm not sure.
Thanks so much for reading Sue, and for your thoughts too. I remember you sharing some of your story with me in Alnwick. The accent thing is interesting, my eldest developed a broad Yorkshire accent within days of starting secondary school here as a way to fit in. He was 14 and went into Y10 mid way through the autumn term - a tough ask. The other two children have broadly kept their southern accents and managed ok. I think the balance between feeling at home and not feeling at home is swinging to 'at home' at the moment which is lovely, but the feeling of being an outside is rarely far away.
This piece really resonated, Harriet, and the thread of comments is fascinating. Whilst writing my own memoir, I have been reflecting a lot about how the seasons and homes in my life overlap and interrelate. My own journey has taken me (so far) - and similar to you - from Bristol to North Yorkshire, with 19 homes in between, and eclectic mix of house types, neighbourhoods and landscapes; alongside a messy collection of life events and traumatic experience. I have been reflecting on the connections between place, people and memory; and crucially on how to retain and grow the thread of self identity (and in my case the thread of God’s grace) through imposed change.
Or maybe I’m just feeling nostalgic and discombobulated as I approach a a pivotal birthday of 60, and wondering how in earth I arrived at my current messy home situation.
PS I am sorry to hear of your cancer journey and hope things are improving.
Oh Helen, thanks so much for your comment and huge apologies for not replying sooner. So interesting that your path has followed a similar south west to north trajectory. I often walk around wondering how the heck I ended up in this place. I love it and there are strong family connections to it, but it was never remotely part of the plan to end up in Yorkshire, or even the south coast. I thought I was meant to be in the south west, but life often has a very different path in mind. I have my annual mammogram tomorrow and so far it's always been clear, so fingers crossed it stays like that for a long time to come.
Dar Harriet, your writing resonated strongly with the place I am now in my life, barely a month after I sold the flat I grew up in Athens (I wrote about it a few times, but most recently here https://somelittlelanguage.substack.com/p/vignettes-from-athens). The small island of Kasos in the south of Greece, where my parents were born, feels in my heart like the deepest 'home' even though I have never lived (only spent childhood summers) there. I left the home in Athens for London 36 years ago, and ever since I have also lived in Tehran, Iran for a total of 14 years, but I always feel that home is in London. For us writers, the real home can be found in the writing, since the body can be in one place and the mind roams free elsewhere. For children especially, I tend to think that family support and affection and understanding can make up - to an extent - for physical moves. I certainly didn't get it right with my children. Thank you for writing this, Harriet, and look forward to reading more.
Dear Sofia, thanks so much for your reply. I'm so interested in the idea that somewhere can feel like home even though you've never lived there. That was what was going through my mind the other weekend when we were in Northumberland, a place I've been visiting on and off for a long time. I also love the idea that as writers the body can be in one place and the mind roams. That definitely feels like where I've got to. Thank you so much and I'll read your Vignettes from Athens. Take care, Harriet
I’ve had many houses but only 2 homes. Thank you for your perspective. I will give my old houses a new consideration as to how I might change their position in my memoir.
Ah, thanks so much for reading Wendy. I'm wondering myself how this writing about home will come through in the memoir writing. The idea of home has always been there lurking in the background but this is the first time I've written about it explicitly. I'm going to sit on it for a while now and see what emerges.
Oo, this resonates. I am in my 30th house now. Lived near Bath and now in Riddlesden near you. Place is important I think, but I don’t think I’ve ever been ‘home’. Got close once. I hate being asked where I’m from, I normally ask what age they want to now about. And my accent is all over the place and I often am asked if I’m South African or Australian, I sound nothing like either.
I'm intrigued by the accent, really interesting how people hear those places in your voice. Thirty houses is a lot, but you know, we won't be in this house for ever I just want our next move to be a positive decision that we've made because it's right for us, rather than a 'oh hell, we need to move.' Have a bit of control over it (I'm laughing inwardly as I write this, I mean control and home and moving - what are the chances!) I like the idea of giving an answer depending on which life stage someone wants to know about - think I might borrow that!
lol at control, because I’ve had so little of it in my life, moved lots as a kid, no control; then hubby in the forces, no control; and then moves for reasons beyond my control again. This house won’t be my last.
This is lovely, Harriet. I marvel at the people who can move from place to place, not needing roots or maybe better said, making wherever they are home easily. From the time I left my parent's home, my home has taken on significant importance, I believe because my childhood home was not comfortable emotionally. I have moved a number of times, and it always takes time to settle in, find a comfort, let my spirit settle into the walls. But once I am able to do that, there's no place I'd rather be than home. 💚
Thanks so much Sue. I used to think I was good at moving because I'd done it so many times. Maybe I was but I think my internal landscape has struggled to keep up with the physical moves! I love that idea of letting your spirit settle into the walls, beautifully put. My childhood home went from being a safe, secure, idyllic even place to one of instability (my father was an alcoholic altho he was sober for 30 years before his death) and we were a whisker away from homelessness at one point. That stayed with me, and I vowed never to uproot any children I had - so that didn't quite go to plan. Lots to delve into here and I really appreciate you reading my words and for sharing your thoughts.
Home is such a rich topic, one we could spend a great deal of time writing about, as well as all those plans that went a different way than we planned, ha! 💚
Hi Harriet. I really enjoyed reading this. I left my childhood home some 30 years ago and have never really felt at home since. Sometimes I get glimmers of it, in the place where me and my family live now but then somehow it slips away again. I have lived in the same village now for around 20 years ! I often think about the best place to move to to make me feel at home again but I suspect the problem, in my case, is in my head and not where I physically live. I look forward to reading more.
Thanks so much Rich, it's such an interesting subject. I've been wanting to write about home for years, ever since I started blurting words onto the page but I've found it difficult to find a way in. It's interesting that despite living somewhere for two decades, you still don't entirely feel at home (if I'm reading right). This does all lend itself to the disconnect between what we're feeling and thinking and our surroundings, I hadn't really thought of it in that way until I started writing this piece.
Probably getting a bit deep for this thread but..I suspect part of it, for me, is to do with self acceptance. Accepting that wherever I live, I will be there too !
Okay, that sounds a bit bonkers...turn off the lap top 🤣.
Yes, acceptance definitely plays its part. Thank you!
As we have touched on recently, I'm so curious about that idea of feeling 'at home' you write about here, Harriet. I don't feel at all 'at home' when I visit my childhood home now, and yet I feel utterly at home visiting my in-laws who have only been in their current house for 18 months. I know what's going on there, but still it's interesting to me to consider the distinction between spaces that have been made homely and others that are not set up to receive you, for all kinds of reasons.
I think I'm sitting here now wondering where this 'at home' thread is going to take me next, that's where these lovely comments come in. It's so interesting seeing what others pick out from the writing and their insights. Lots to noodle and potentially to write about too. Thanks for your support!
Brilliant and thought provoking, as ever!
Thank you so much Helen for all your cheerleading and support.