Shutters that lie against sun bleached terracotta painted walls. It'll sit amongst other apricot and pistachio green buildings, a stones throw from a small harbour and a smattering of cafes.
Well this made me cry. I feel all of this. I moved to Haslemere in the depths of grief, and like your description of your time in Bournemouth - I managed 3 years but I was so disconnected during that time. I’ve been doing a lot of research around the mental impact of chronic illness recently, and the 3 biggest factors on mental health are chronic pain, social disconnection and feeling like a burden. I feel all of these things - the support you’ve had in Ilkley to not feel this sounds wonderful. I think the feeling of being a burden is immense in chronic illness because it never stops. It can be such a lonely place. I also love the quote about writing from the scars not the open wounds - very wise indeed. You write so beautifully Harriet, this has given me much to reflect on. Thank you for sharing x
Oh Emma, you have no idea how much this means to me. I’m sorry about the tears but in a way I’m pleased that I’ve been able to unearth something that we can both reflect on. I was just thinking that I enjoyed being able to write about this, it’s felt like it’s been nagging at the back of my head for so long. Thanks so much for your support.
I'm really struggling with the whole 'friendship' thing at the moment. Thank you for penning this, Harriet. It's a toughie, especially when moving around the country, running away from ones past (me not you) and living in a rurally isolated location. Thank heaven for the connection we have amongst writers. My mum too put great effort into her friendships - I must learn from her example
It’s a tough time for you right now Sue, and you’re right, I have the writing community to thank for helping me to find a path to where I am now. Sending love, Hx
I loved reading your thoughts on friendship and your relationship to friendship and your friends. I've been thinking and writing a lot about friendship this year as well, after meeting a new friend and discovering that I'm only just learning how to be a friend when the person doesn't live far away. "The Other Significant Others" by Rhaina Cohen might be interesting for you to read. She writes about different and at times very close friendships and about how we don't really have the words to talk about friendship very well.
Thanks so much for reading g Ulrike and your observation about making friendships when the person lives close by versus at a distance is interesting, something for me to reflect on too. I’ll look up ‘The significant others too’. Thank you!
Lovely and thoughtful - and thought-provoking - as always, Harriet (yes I am working my way through Substack posts I missed! 😁). “Friendships were there whether I could see them or not” is a wonderful way of describing how illness especially can lead to so much love and care being shown and given to us. I felt this too going through my breast cancer (also new friendships I’d just made in Ilkley similarly went nought to sixty as a result!). Strange (or maybe not) how such awful things can also bring us the most wonderful gifts.
Ah, thank you for reading Andrea. I was talking to a new-ish friend last night about this turbo charging of friendships when you're in crisis. It definitely reaffirms your faith in humans, there are an awful lot of good, kind people around.
Loved this piece, Harriet. So much in here that I can relate to. And I love the manifesting of "your next home." I feel there is one more big move for me, and I plan to do just what you have done here, start seeing my new home in my mind's eye. Also, I've been writing about friends in my latest series called The beginning. I'm three chapters in, the fourth will arrive next week. Here is the link to number 1 if you're interested in checking it out. https://waywardyogini.substack.com/p/the-beginning
It’s so interesting that you see one more big move. I thought that way earlier this year but now I’m rowing back on it as I feel more at home here. That said, we will downsize but I can’t - right now - imagine starting again. It works but I also know that feeling could change, for now though, I’m enjoying this feeling of belonging where I am and not looking over my shoulder. Thanks for sharing links to your work too, I’ll take a look.
I love my home more than I can say. And I'm still falling in love with it every day even after ten years. But we love to garden and our terrain isn't forgiving for aging seniors, so there's that. We live in a fire zone, and each year we fear losing our home, and also are subject to evacuations. Very stressful. Then there's the whole fire insurance issue, our insurance is increasing almost $3000 this year. It seems that the universe is directing us in another direction. So I'm beginning to manifest what that might look like.
That sounds like a tough situation to be in, and scary too with the threat of fire, I can see why you'd want to start manifesting what the next move might be like. Hx
Thanks Matt, really appreciate you reading and commenting. The Outrun is back on the top of my reading pile, I started it but got waylaid as I often do reading wise!
This pulled me in with the beautiful colours of your photos, but then gave me something much deeper, something nourishing and thoughtful and kind. I am trying to support a good friend through chemo from the other side of the country at the moment and your words on friendship really resonate. Thank you
What a beautiful piece of writing on all ups and downs of friendships. I have a book called ‘The Virago book of friendship’ on my to-be-read pile. The blurb starts with “a fond, fascinated look at female friendship using the writings - fictional , diaries and letters - of friends. Edited by Rachel Cooke. Looking forward to starting it x
Thanks so much Tracey, and thanks for the book recommendation. I hear Virago and immediately think of mum - she had plenty on her bookshelf - so I’ll check this out. Thank you 🤩
Well this made me cry. I feel all of this. I moved to Haslemere in the depths of grief, and like your description of your time in Bournemouth - I managed 3 years but I was so disconnected during that time. I’ve been doing a lot of research around the mental impact of chronic illness recently, and the 3 biggest factors on mental health are chronic pain, social disconnection and feeling like a burden. I feel all of these things - the support you’ve had in Ilkley to not feel this sounds wonderful. I think the feeling of being a burden is immense in chronic illness because it never stops. It can be such a lonely place. I also love the quote about writing from the scars not the open wounds - very wise indeed. You write so beautifully Harriet, this has given me much to reflect on. Thank you for sharing x
Oh Emma, you have no idea how much this means to me. I’m sorry about the tears but in a way I’m pleased that I’ve been able to unearth something that we can both reflect on. I was just thinking that I enjoyed being able to write about this, it’s felt like it’s been nagging at the back of my head for so long. Thanks so much for your support.
I'm really struggling with the whole 'friendship' thing at the moment. Thank you for penning this, Harriet. It's a toughie, especially when moving around the country, running away from ones past (me not you) and living in a rurally isolated location. Thank heaven for the connection we have amongst writers. My mum too put great effort into her friendships - I must learn from her example
It’s a tough time for you right now Sue, and you’re right, I have the writing community to thank for helping me to find a path to where I am now. Sending love, Hx
Thank you. ❤️ Xx
I loved reading your thoughts on friendship and your relationship to friendship and your friends. I've been thinking and writing a lot about friendship this year as well, after meeting a new friend and discovering that I'm only just learning how to be a friend when the person doesn't live far away. "The Other Significant Others" by Rhaina Cohen might be interesting for you to read. She writes about different and at times very close friendships and about how we don't really have the words to talk about friendship very well.
Thanks so much for reading g Ulrike and your observation about making friendships when the person lives close by versus at a distance is interesting, something for me to reflect on too. I’ll look up ‘The significant others too’. Thank you!
Lovely and thoughtful - and thought-provoking - as always, Harriet (yes I am working my way through Substack posts I missed! 😁). “Friendships were there whether I could see them or not” is a wonderful way of describing how illness especially can lead to so much love and care being shown and given to us. I felt this too going through my breast cancer (also new friendships I’d just made in Ilkley similarly went nought to sixty as a result!). Strange (or maybe not) how such awful things can also bring us the most wonderful gifts.
Ah, thank you for reading Andrea. I was talking to a new-ish friend last night about this turbo charging of friendships when you're in crisis. It definitely reaffirms your faith in humans, there are an awful lot of good, kind people around.
Loved this piece, Harriet. So much in here that I can relate to. And I love the manifesting of "your next home." I feel there is one more big move for me, and I plan to do just what you have done here, start seeing my new home in my mind's eye. Also, I've been writing about friends in my latest series called The beginning. I'm three chapters in, the fourth will arrive next week. Here is the link to number 1 if you're interested in checking it out. https://waywardyogini.substack.com/p/the-beginning
It’s so interesting that you see one more big move. I thought that way earlier this year but now I’m rowing back on it as I feel more at home here. That said, we will downsize but I can’t - right now - imagine starting again. It works but I also know that feeling could change, for now though, I’m enjoying this feeling of belonging where I am and not looking over my shoulder. Thanks for sharing links to your work too, I’ll take a look.
I love my home more than I can say. And I'm still falling in love with it every day even after ten years. But we love to garden and our terrain isn't forgiving for aging seniors, so there's that. We live in a fire zone, and each year we fear losing our home, and also are subject to evacuations. Very stressful. Then there's the whole fire insurance issue, our insurance is increasing almost $3000 this year. It seems that the universe is directing us in another direction. So I'm beginning to manifest what that might look like.
That sounds like a tough situation to be in, and scary too with the threat of fire, I can see why you'd want to start manifesting what the next move might be like. Hx
Really interesting thoughts about friendship, thank you for sharing. The Outrun is highly highly recommended to everyone.
Thanks Matt, really appreciate you reading and commenting. The Outrun is back on the top of my reading pile, I started it but got waylaid as I often do reading wise!
This pulled me in with the beautiful colours of your photos, but then gave me something much deeper, something nourishing and thoughtful and kind. I am trying to support a good friend through chemo from the other side of the country at the moment and your words on friendship really resonate. Thank you
Thanks so much for reading Bonnie and for your kind words. Sending love to your friend as she navigates chemotherapy 💙
What a beautiful piece of writing on all ups and downs of friendships. I have a book called ‘The Virago book of friendship’ on my to-be-read pile. The blurb starts with “a fond, fascinated look at female friendship using the writings - fictional , diaries and letters - of friends. Edited by Rachel Cooke. Looking forward to starting it x
Thanks so much Tracey, and thanks for the book recommendation. I hear Virago and immediately think of mum - she had plenty on her bookshelf - so I’ll check this out. Thank you 🤩