YOLO mum, just get in the water and do it
As pre-paddle boarding pep talks go it was direct and to the point, not unlike like the 14-year-old, who delivered it with all her usual youthful enthusiasm.
But as much as I love my daughter I figured it might be worth asking a professional to guide our group of five in our paddle boarding mission - some of us novices, others all youthful fearlessness and confidence. Enter Leeanne from Paddle Bliss Nairn.
The open water – exhilarating or anxiety inducing?
Because I might love being by the water but I’m not that confident in it. I can swim, as in a sedate breast stroke kind of way, but water sports aren’t generally my thing, being more of a feet on terra firma kind of girl.
Come Wednesday morning though I was squeezing myself into a black wetsuit, strapping a buoyancy aid to my upper body and admiring Loch Ashie's rugged beauty stretching out under a white grey sky and noting (with relief) its gentle, if changing wind patterns.
I explained to Leeanne that I get anxious about all manner of things these days. Turns out it’s not uncommon in women going through the menopause and annoyingly it can come on at the most seemingly small, trivial things as well as the bigger stuff - like first time paddle boarding in open water.
Knowing I’m not alone in this is menopausal angst is reassuring but it’s still frustrating. And frustration plus anxiety can equal paralysis – literally sometimes when it comes to my body doing what I want or need it to do - which isn’t helpful when you’re in open water.
But safety briefing done I’m second into the loch figuring I should just go for it and start paddling. Once I get going it’s almost hypnotic as I concentrate on trying to keep a relatively straight course away from the rocky shoreline.
I’m not really aware of where the others are so at some point I stop, turn around and see that I’ve made it to the middle-ish of the loch and guess what? Nothing awful has happened. In fact, it’s rather lovely. Who knew?
There’s a flicker of something, instinct may be telling me to look for something to hold onto before remembering there isn’t anything and that I’m still ok. In fact I’m loving bobbing on the water, taking in the loch, the sky and water, the trees. Everything.
Then I hear the 14 year old shout, ‘Do a plank like Juliet’ and I groan and smile, silently cursing myself for showing her the video of Juliet doing push ups on a paddle board on the River Wharfe, earlier in the summer, egged on by Jacqui, another friend. Gotta love my Ilkley friends!
‘You’re kidding right?’ I reply, but accept the challenge. Not push ups - that’s madness - but I manoeuvre myself into the plank and even add in a downward dog and a child’s pose later on in our lesson. There might even be photographic evidence.
Is it smooth, elegant or graceful? No. Is it awkward and clumsy? Probably. Do I fall in? No (well, not on that occasion anyway!) And honestly, I’m feeling pretty pleased with myself. I might spend most of the two-hour lesson kneeling to paddle rather than standing, but I figure there’ll be another time to nail the standing, especially if J & J have anything to do with it.
The thing is, I’ve never had huge confidence in my body and even though chronic fatigue and breast cancer are in the past, they’ve both left their mark in different, sometimes confusing ways. Add in chemical induced menopause (hello Tamoxifen) and general wear and tear and it means I don’t always trust my body to do what I want or need it to do.
Don’t let the gremlins win
Sometimes the messages simply don’t make it from my brain to my body or my body simply decides ‘nope, not today thanks’. It’s frustrating and my reflex is often to say ‘no’ to anything that feels outside my comfort zone, letting fear and anxiety get in the way and figuring it’s just easier that way. But I’m also a stubborn bugger and I don’t always want to miss out.
So I figure I’ll keep chipping away, channelling a little of the 14 year old’s YOLO with the 18 year old’s ‘what’s the worst that could happen’ and Juliet and Jacqui’s ‘come on, let’s do it’ attitude. I just need to accept that there’ll be some days where I’ll feel all gazelle like, skipping across the moor, while other times I won’t know my right hand from my left, knowing also that half the time it’s the anxiety gremlins in my mind that are the barrier rather than my creaky joints.
What I do know for sure though after this week is that I love the Highlands. Northumberland has had my heart for years, but it has competition now because this corner of the world is just stunning. If you haven’t visited already - do it - and if you’re anywhere near Nairn and fancy paddle boarding, get in touch with Leeanne, she’s ace.
It also feels like we’ve been away for ages - always the sign of a good break. Home feels like a lot further than today’s six-hour car journey so it’ll be a gentle re-entry into the real world after the weekend, but I’m looking forward to getting back to the writing.
Have a fabulous weekend and thanks for reading, Harriet
Highland Highlights
We stayed at Treetop lodges a few miles outside Nairn. A stunning remote location in a lodge overlooking a glen with small lake and a row boat that the teens took out a couple of times. The bird and squirrel feeders on the balcony ensured a constant stream of feathered visitors and even a red squirrel.
Nairn - we loved Nairn! It’s a lovely town and the beach is stunning. A special shout out to James cafe opposite the crazy golf. Great milkshakes, paninis, waffles, ice cream, coffee - you get the idea. Basil cafe also good for ice cream. The queues at Strathnairn cafe meant we didn’t get to try the fish tacos as planned but the queue and Leeanne’s endorsement says it all. Plus fish and chips from Friar Tucks on the way to the harbour (and eaten on the beach as the sun set) were very good too.
A second special shout out to Findhorn, where we spent a couple of afternoons walking a loop around the harbour and beach. Stunning. And the Black Isle was breathtaking too. We parked at Chanonry Point and walked along the beach to Rosemarkie for lunch at Crofters cafe and back again. We didn’t see any dolphins but it was glorious.
