Time to get my writing act together
I've set myself a challenge: to finish a (messy) first draft of my memoir by the end of the year. Can I do it? Possibly. Will I regret saying it publicly? Almost definitely.
Greetings this dreich October Wednesday, how are you all? Here in Yorkshire I’ve decided to set myself a writing challenge that I reckon should keep me quiet until the end of the year. It started out as a, ‘yeah, maybe, I’ll see how I get on, but I think I might try to finish the memoir before the new year?’ thinking aloud comment to my husband while the kettle boiled the other day. I know that doesn’t really cut it in goal-setting terms and I might regret declaring it so openly, but what the heck.
The impetus to get the memoir written is feeling stronger than it has done for a while and I’m going with it. It’s one of those curious writing projects that is entirely of my own making.
I started it, no one (as far as I’m aware) is asking me to write it, so I have to keep returning to that determined little seed that planted a few years ago and find a way to get to the finish line. The end of the year looming feels like a good deadline to head for.
So I’ve been signing up for all the goal setting workshops with London Writers Salon, I’ve left a copy of Written on the desk and I’m leaning into all my writing groups and writing friends.
I’m sharing it here too in the hope that some of you will give me an occasional nudge too. It works both ways, so if there’s a creative project you want to complete by the end of the year, let me know and we can shout words of encouragement to each other across the ether .
What’s the good news?
I guess the good news is that I’m a fair way down the track already. As in I know which period in my life I’m writing about (check out this and this for background) and there’s a theme or point to it. I have a broad brush structure with chapters (or scenes or memories) listed and even better, I’ve written a lot already, even if it is messy first drafts. But that’s the point. This is about getting the words written not editing and polishing it into submission.
I’ve also gone as far as breaking down this big hairy goal into smaller weekly and daily goals, using a daily writing tracker. All of which sounds a lot fancier than it is.
My ‘writing tracker’ is in reality a very low-tech piece of A4 paper with the days of the month written on it and space for me to tick off each day I write. I also try to remember to note each daily writing task in my desk diary too. I’m not sure I’m in as much control of this goal as this might imply though.
Headaches, headspace and mental fatigue
What’s the bad news then? I guess the biggest challenge I see ahead is mental fatigue, getting bogged down in writing rabbit holes and boy, the sofa looks so very tempting this time of year. Even more so when I know how quickly memoir or creative non-fiction writing hoovers up headspace, but hey, rests are a necessary part of writing, right?
One of the reasons it’s such a head spin is that you’re not only delving into your backstory which (unsurprisingly) comes with its own challenges but you’re also working out which creative writing techniques to use to turn it into a story that draws the reader in and on top of that, you’re trying to bring in the reflective voice.
The ‘what’ can take you to weird and wonderful places though. I mean, who doesn’t love poring over old photo albums and then there’s the random Googling to check things like ‘who was no.1 in August 1985 in the UK?’** The next you’re wondering ‘Yes, but what does it all mean?’
You’re constantly zooming in and zooming out. Sometimes a memory will hint at something lurking in the shadows and the only way to free it is by writing it out, by delicately peeling the layers away to find a ‘huh’ or ‘a-ha’ or ‘what the hell’ moment. That’s the ‘so what’ coming through.
It’s a lot of mental gymnastics for the brain to cope with.
“Never rule out a goal because you think it’s unattainable. Be audacious. There is always a best possible path. Your job is to find it and have the courage to follow it. What you thin is attainable is just a function of what you know at the moment. Once you start your pursuit you will learn a lot, especially if you triangulate with others; paths you never saw before will emerge.”
Ray Dalio, Principles: Life and Work
Why write memoir?
I guess one of the things I love about it though is that it’s helped me to see nuance and perspective and light and shade. This has been especially valuable as I moved into my fifties blinking and wondering what else might be thrown my way and how to make sense of it all.
Writing it out has given me the chance to revisit everything in a safe way and gently challenge deeper assumptions I’ve been carrying around in my head for years.
What’s the body telling me?
It’s intense and challenging but my body is brilliant at telling me when I’m in a tricky patch, and I’m getting better at listening to it too.
I might be struggling to free a specific memory or maybe I’ve released and explored it and I’m now piecing it together with other memories. That’s when I start fidgeting, the feet and knees start bouncing up and down and I have an overwhelming desire to grab my phone and distract, distract, distract.
Sometimes walking away from the desk, moving the body into a different space is the right thing to do. But other times it’s a sign that I need to carry on typing the words in whatever order they come out in, then I can head for the sofa retreat into replays of Brothers and Sisters on Disney +.
Give life or memoir writing a go (with support)
Memoir writing isn’t for everyone and even if you do fancy it, it might not be the right time. You might want the catharsis, but the path to that point can be painful. You can never predict what’s going to crop up as the hand moves across the page or how it’s going to affect you.
But if you do want to explore creative non-fiction, memoir or life writing and want some support while you do it, check out Huma Qureshi, Beth Kempton, Cathy Retzenbrink, or London lit lab for short courses, workshops and gentle, encouraging email newsletters.
If you’d rather a book to read in your own time, I can recommend these three but sometimes it’s enough to just open a notebook or a new document on your laptop and start writing whatever comes into your head.
Natalie Goldberg, Writing down the bones
Cathy Retzenbrink, Write it all down
Creating space for other writing
I hope that once I’ve finished the memoir (even if it goes no further than sitting on my laptop as a messy first draft) I’ll be a more fluid and fluent storyteller. I also hope that it’ll carry on helping me to understand how my past story is related to my present life, and that it’ll free up space for other, new writing projects.
Thank you as ever for reading my thoughts. This one was oddly hard to write even with a head clearing walk on the moor and watching biscuit week on Great British Bake Off. So I’m going to go and sort the dog out, come back, give this a final read and ship it! Sending you lots of luck and positive vibes for your creative projects.
Harriet
**Answer: Madonna with Into the Groove
Your last sentence is something that keeps coming back to me. I want to write other stuff but I NEED to finish this first. I’m not sure it makes sense to everyone, but I’m glad to see I’m not alone in that kind of thinking. You can do this - we’ll be cheerleading from the sidelines *shakes virtual pompom*
Hi Harriet, thank you, I enjoyed reading your post.
And I salute you. Setting goals is scary especially because sometimes in writing, we don't know how exactly we are going to achieve it. I write fiction but I imagine in life writing, this is even scarier when it's all about unpicking your life and then attempting to pick it all up again in some sort of coherent swathe.
I too have set a goal - to write a first draft of this new novel of mine during NaNoWriMo National Novel Writing Month, the general goal being to write 50,000 words. Eek! But I know that I now need some deadline, some finish line to cross over, in order to get serious, otherwise I will spend weeks and months conjuring up characters, planning and plotting and not actually 'do' the writing,only to discover that this story won't work or the characters are overly contrived or something. I am the queen of over-preparing myself, or is that procrastination? Hmmm.
Having said that, I would also say, about the 'distract' mode, don't fret too much, this is just your mind, your psyche, saying it still has stuff to process for a later date and actually this is a healthy response, to go away and do something else until such time that the thought, memory, story, reaction, slant on your experience, is now baked a bit more, ready to put into your recipe book :)
Keep going. I am here cheering you on from the sidelines :)
Teresa