Swapping the notebook for the shopfloor

I'm swapping my navy walled home office for manning the till, tidying shelves and chatting with customers. I loved my first shift on the shop floor, let's see how I feel after Black Friday weekend.

Not where I’m working but I just love this shop window with the bike parked outside. Photo by Artem Gavrysh on Unsplash

Hello! Welcome, come on in out of the cold, how are you this Black Friday weekend? Throwing yourself into the fray or hiding behind the cushions? I’m normally wedged on the sofa at this point, fingers in ears all la-la-la-la, ignoring the madness.

But this Saturday afternoon – Black Friday weekend and Ilkley Christmas lights switch on - I’ll be working my second shift in Oliver Bonas. Yep, I’ve got myself a job that means leaving the house and working with people in real life.

And here’s the thing, walking home after my first shift on Tuesday afternoon I felt a definite un-autumny/wintery like spring in my step. I’d spent several hours being shown how to use the till, ‘it’s really easy when you know how’, had an in-depth tour of the shop, its products and cavernous basement stock room.

I’d practiced wrapping products and chatted with a woman visiting from out of town. She’d bought this vibrant pink fan-patterned skirt in her local store a few weeks before but liked the look of this navy long sleeve top to go with it.

I spotted a friend twirling the greeting cards stands and popped over to say hello. ‘How lovely to work somewhere where you’re surrounded by lovely things,’ she said. Our noses twitched towards the shelves of scented candles and she whispered, ‘you know, this is great but I’ve always fancied working in Betty’s’.

I guided a woman to a mirror in a quiet corner of the store so she could try on some sparkly hair slides unobserved. I released my inner neat freak and tidied shelves of mugs, scarves and candles, and straightened clothes on hangers. I smiled with the couple having a little sing and shoulder shrug when they heard Sister Sledge playing.

I felt like you do when you turn up the brightness on your phone and it felt joyous.

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I’ve been in a quiet phase freelance writing wise after hitting the buffers in the summer, the diary a lot emptier after cutting ties with my biggest client before our Scottish summer holiday.

I’d been ignoring the patches of eczema on my left cheek for too long and it was too easy to blame my interrupted sleep on menopause rather than the fatigue and anxiety brought on by the mental gymnastics involved in writing for a (lovely) client based partly in Australia, partly in the UK, with clients spread across the world.

Others might have coped better with the increasing workload, screen conversations and time zone differences, but I could feel myself slipping into chronic fatigue mode, and the breaks I’d put in place to recharge weren’t enough.

My words and ideas were going stale. I was snappy and irritable, prone to teary outbreaks and had to admit that even though I’m five years post-cancer and my chronic fatigue / fibromyalgia has disappeared - officially at least - both have left their imprint.

I used to get annoyed with my rollercoaster fatigue levels, exacerbated at this time of year when Vitamin D mostly comes in capsule form, but getting annoyed doesn’t help.

I have to accept that my fatigue - all heavy, tingling limbs, my brain a black hole where words and ideas vanish and forget making even the simplest of decisions - is triggered far more quickly and easily than others and adapt my working and home life accordingly.

Comparing myself to others is pointless and I have to remind myself that mental fatigue can be so much more debilitating than a burpee heavy HiT session on a Monday morning.

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Maybe having a mix of jobs is the way to go right now, maybe I need a different type of flexible working, one that doesn’t involve working exclusively for myself and from home. Maybe having a job with clearer physical and mental boundaries is better for me. I love writing, but it’s no respecter of boundaries.

Other than a year-long stint as a special educational needs teaching assistant in 2016 cut short when we moved to Ilkley, I’ve worked for myself and from home since January 2008. It's allowed me to flex with the kids schooling, relocations and illness.

But I remember how much I loved those afternoons wandering through the school corridors with a child who couldn’t, wouldn’t, shouldn’t be made to sit neatly in the classroom. They loved the world map near reception, pointing to countries they’d visited, especially the farm in their father’s home country where their grandparents lived. They came alive when talking about feeding the chickens and goats, before running off round the corner with me in hot pursuit.

I loved seeing them root through the bookshelves finding books they’d want to read, anything with food in it was a win. We’d head to the small garden in a corner of the playground or find a table and chair to play with Lego.

I loved the hard start and stop to my working hours – you can’t argue with a clanging school bell - and the unpredictability of walking into a classroom partway through the day and never quite knowing what had gone before or was about to happen.

Working every afternoon gave my weekdays structure and were a temporary distraction from the grief of mum and dad’s deaths. The job coming at a point where I was in rebuild mode, working my way out of peak grief and putting down roots in our new home town, Bournemouth. Those afternoons in school gave me purpose and I felt my confidence quietly growing week on week.

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I’m in a different place now - literally and emotionally - but it’s funny how these things stay with you. Even going through the interview process at Oliver Bonas was a confidence boost, discovering that they valued all that messy and complicated work and life experience far more than having worked a till before (although me not being scared of the till would be a bonus). Sometimes change is good.

The job is only until the first week of January and a few afternoons a week, so there’s still time for me keep my freelance writing ticking over too. But it’s sparked something in me so let’s see where I go with it.

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I figure the micro moments I’ll spend with customers and colleagues are just the glimmers I need, and I know I’m not alone. It’s not surprising that we’re craving light and warmth and pockets of joy and connection right now, is it?

So maybe, find a place where you can engage all the senses, wrap yourself in all the textures and colours, inhale the scented candles and diffusers. Brush your hands across soft wool jumpers and scarves and just breathe, even if it’s for a few minutes. 

If you’re in Ilkley tomorrow (Saturday) afternoon pop in and say hi or drop me a note and I’ll let you know when I’m working over the next few weeks.

Thanks for reading, Harriet