Here's to engaging our core and quietly creating new pathways

I made a pact with myself to start this year differently, because it just felt different. I even wrote about it calling it This year feels different. In it I talk about my intention to not hold life so tightly. To loosen my grip a little, but in loosening my grip I almost didn’t write this.

That, and an inability to read my diary properly. Not for the first time this year I’ve got my days and dates mixed up and honestly, I thought I had a while longer to write this. But no, look at that. January is almost behind us already.

Realising I had fewer days than I thought to put pen to paper has been good though, because it's forced me to focus. That said, bear with me because while this makes sense in my head (kind of), it might not translate so clearly onto the page plus I'm in danger of over-editing what I've written. 

It’s also part of a bigger conversation I’m having about things like boundaries and emotions alongside today’s topic, core beliefs. Conversations I was struggling to get to grips with it until I remembered something my sister (the viola playing sister, not the gardener) told me a good few decades ago. But once I did, bingo and so I thought I'd share it here and see what you all made of it. 

Soften your knees, engage your core and breathe

If you’ve ever had the joy of standing on the tube as it careers through the underground do you hold your breath? Rigid, braced for the next jolt and sudden movement? Or do you flip flop and find yourself thrown across the carriage only to land in some poor unsuspecting traveller’s lap? Neither particularly comfortable, nor effective. Try this Louise said: 

'Plant your feet on the floor, soften your knees,
gently engage your core and breathe with the movement.'

Grounded despite the jolts

I tried it and despite the jolting and jarring, swinging and swaying I felt grounded. Rooted, but not stiff or resisting the movement. Plus, I was breathing and I don’t know about you, but I have a habit of holding my breath without realising it. And the beauty, I've discovered, is that it doesn’t just work on the tube, it's helped me in other ways too. 

Because while I was an expert at bending and flexing with life, I didn't know where my core was, let alone how to engage it. But thanks to a series of insightful, probing conversations and this visual, I can now picture my sense of self, my values if you like running through me. I see that by actively engaging my core values, I can stand tall, while my soft knees mean I can move with life without always collapsing in a heap. 

It allows me to be open - to people and opportunities - but without sacrificing myself in the process. Better able to move with life, but with less falling over, or feeling so battered when things inevitably happen. 

But what does this have to do with writing?

I guess writing in my notebooks has allowed me to get comfortable with these ideas, roll them around and find a language that works for me. I've spotted recurring themes to explore. Writing has given me confidence and helped me to find my voice.

It’s not that my values or beliefs are new. My core has always been there, I'd just forgotten how to engage it. And now that it's strong(er), I feel free to say yes and no with greater confidence and less guilt. Boundaries I’ve resisted enforcing for so long are now settling into place and it feels freeing, not restrictive. I’m finding it so much easier to be clear about my needs and wants - with myself and others. It’s been something of a revelation.

I think that with this clarity the detritus and white noise is falling away, paving the way for lightness and freedom, authenticity and honesty. I’ve stopped second guessing who I am or always looking to others for validation and permission - I'm beginning to find my voice. Maybe some of this resonates for you too?

"Some of us don’t want to be tough alpha leaders. Some of us just want to write and wander the garden and breathe in the sky and nourish and nurture and quietly create new pathways and live our lives as our art.
To know the earth as poetry."

Victoria Erickson

And finally

I hope this makes sense, if not all of it, then some of it. And if in doubt, just remember to soften the knees, engage your core and breathe. It's always good advice as many a Pilates instructor has said over the years. Thanks for reading, and here’s to quietly creating new pathways.

Harriet